i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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