She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
