not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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