I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
