u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
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you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
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I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
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