Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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