What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
