i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
