u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
