I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
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I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
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Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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