there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
