Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
