Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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