Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
