I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
