the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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