He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Randomize
