I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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