Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My ass is underappreciated
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
