My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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