Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
