All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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