dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
