3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize