I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
