So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
