i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I wish you could order shots online.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
