Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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