I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
