Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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