I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
