Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Randomize
