Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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