I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
