The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
