I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
false alarm. still invincible.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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