i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I love you.
Bad choice
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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