I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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