honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
