This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
