8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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