turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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