I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
