it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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