Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize