If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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