If i come over, it means nothing
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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