11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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