At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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