if only i could text you this smell
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
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