The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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