i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Come share oat with me in your robe
Randomize
