It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
