every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
