How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
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Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
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MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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