I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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