Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
