My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
