Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
