I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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