she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
