thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
