i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
